La Intrusa Providencial
(The Providential Intruder)
Si alguien le hubiera dicho a Remedios Gallardo que acabaria siendo la consultora mas solicitada de Zaragoza, se habria reido hasta que le dolieran las costillas.
If someone had told Remedios Gallardo that she would end up becoming the most sought-after consultant in Zaragoza, she would have laughed until her ribs ached.
Remedios era contable en una gestiria de barrio y su único talento reconocido era el de equivocarse de enlace al entrar en las videollamadas.
Remedios was an accountant at a neighbourhood tax office and her only recognised talent was that of clicking the wrong link when joining video calls.
Durante una semana entera, no logro conectarse ni una sola vez a la reunion correcta.
For an entire week, she did not manage to connect to the right meeting even once.
El lunes se colo en una junta directiva de una empresa de embutidos.
On Monday she gate-crashed a board meeting of a cured meats company.
Cuando el presidente pregunto si alguien tenia algo que anadir sobre la estrategia de exportacion, Remedios, que aun no se habia dado cuenta de su error, contesto con total naturalidad: <<Yo revisaria los margenes antes de comprometerse con el mercado alemán.
When the chairman asked if anyone had anything to add about the export strategy, Remedios, who had not yet realised her mistake, replied with complete naturalness: <<I would review the margins before committing to the German market.
Los numeros no mienten, pero a veces exageran.>> Se hizo un silencio.
Numbers do not lie, but sometimes they exaggerate.>> A silence fell.
Luego, el director financiero murmuro: <<Tiene razón.>>
Then the finance director murmured: <<She is right.>>
El martes irrumpio en un seminario de coaching emocional.
On Tuesday she burst into an emotional coaching seminar.
Una mujer lloraba porque sentia que su vida carecia de proposito.
A woman was crying because she felt her life lacked purpose.
Remedios, creyendo que se trataba de una compañera de la gestoria que habia tenido un mal trimestre fiscal, le dijo: <<Mira, a todos nos han cuadrado mal las cuentas alguna vez.
Remedios, believing it was a colleague from the tax office who had had a bad fiscal quarter, said to her: <<Look, we have all had the accounts not add up at some point.
Lo importante es no falsificar los balances.>> La mujer dejo de llorar inmediatamente. <<Nadie me lo habia explicado así>>, susurro, visiblemente conmovida.
The important thing is not to falsify the balance sheets.>> The woman stopped crying immediately. <<Nobody had ever explained it to me like that,>> she whispered, visibly moved.
El miércoles fue confundida con una mediadora laboral en una empresa de logistica donde los conductores amenazaban con declararse en huelga.
On Wednesday she was mistaken for a labour mediator at a logistics company where the drivers were threatening to go on strike.
El jueves aparecio por error en la defensa de una tesis doctoral sobre economía circular.
On Thursday she appeared by mistake at the defence of a doctoral thesis on the circular economy.
Para el viernes, ya habia sido invitada formalmente a tres de las cuatro reuniones en las que se habia colado, y le habian ofrecido un contrato de asesoria que triplicaba su sueldo de contable.
By Friday, she had already been formally invited to three of the four meetings she had gate-crashed, and she had been offered a consultancy contract that tripled her accountant's salary.
Su jefe en la gestoria, don Aurelio, fue informado de la situación por un cliente que habia asistido a la junta de los embutidos. <<Me han dicho que su empleada es una especie de oraculo financiero>>, le comento el hombre por teléfono.
Her boss at the tax office, Don Aurelio, was informed of the situation by a client who had attended the cured meats board meeting. <<I have been told that your employee is some kind of financial oracle,>> the man remarked to him on the phone.
Don Aurelio, que llevaba treinta años intentando que Remedios archivase los expedientes por orden alfabetico sin exito, solto una carcajada tan sonora que se le cayeron las gafas.
Don Aurelio, who had spent thirty years trying to get Remedios to file the records in alphabetical order without success, let out a laugh so loud that his glasses fell off.
Remedios acepto finalmente el puesto de consultora externa, aunque insistio en que se le permitiera seguir equivocandose de reunion de vez en cuando. <<Es mi metodo>>, explico con una seriedad que habria resultado convincente si no se hubiera conectado en ese preciso instante a una clase de yoga por error. <<Respiren profundamente>>, dijo la instructora.
Remedios finally accepted the position of external consultant, although she insisted that she be allowed to keep joining the wrong meeting from time to time. <<It is my method,>> she explained with a seriousness that would have been convincing if she had not connected at that precise moment to a yoga class by mistake. <<Breathe deeply,>> said the instructor.
Remedios obedecio, miro a la cámara y anadio: <<Eso también se aplica a los balances generales.>>
Remedios obeyed, looked at the camera, and added: <<That also applies to general balance sheets.>>
Meses después, cuando un periodista le pregunto cual era el secreto de su exito, Remedios reflexiono un momento y respondio: <<Supongo que la mayoría de los problemas se parecen mas de lo que la gente cree.
Months later, when a journalist asked her what the secret of her success was, Remedios reflected for a moment and replied: <<I suppose most problems are more alike than people think.
Al final, todo se reduce a que los numeros cuadren y a que nadie se lleve mas de lo que le corresponde.>> El periodista asintio, impresionado.
In the end, it all comes down to the numbers adding up and nobody taking more than their fair share.>> The journalist nodded, impressed.
No se entero hasta mucho después de que Remedios habia creido durante toda la entrevista que el era un inspector de Hacienda.
He did not find out until much later that Remedios had believed throughout the entire interview that he was a tax inspector.
Key Vocabulary
la gestoria tax office, accountancy firm
colarse to gate-crash, to sneak in
la junta directiva board of directors, board meeting
los embutidos cured meats, cold cuts
carecer de to lack, to be without
el expediente file, record, dossier
la carcajada loud laugh, guffaw
la asesoria consultancy, advisory service
cuadrar to add up, to tally (numbers)
Hacienda tax authority, treasury (Spain)